Saturday, February 05, 2022

Harald Hardrada - Chapter 5: 1034

 

Heimskringla

Along the shore the cool shower

shoved the black prow of the warship 

strongly, and the shielded vessels

splendidly bore their tackle

The mighty prince saw Mikligarðr’s

metal roofs before the forestem.

Many fair-sided ships headed

to the high city rampart.

 

Heimskringla

At that time the Greek empire was ruled by the Empress Zoe the Great, and with her Michael Catalactus. Now when Harald came to Constantinople he presented himself to the empress, and went into her pay; and immediately, in autumn, went on board the galleys manned with troops which went out to the Greek sea. Harald had his own men along with him. Now Harald had been but a short time in the army before all the Varings flocked to him, and they all joined together when there was a battle. It thus came to pass that Harald was made chief of the Varings.

Harald

I showed up in Byzantium, introduced myself to the empress; she put me in the Varangian Guard and I fucked her that night. Zoë Porphyrogenita – born to the purple. Fifty years old, didn’t look a day over forty five, liked to fuck and needed a son by any means necessary. Dangerous, no doubt: her second husband murdered her first husband, she conspired with her second husband’s brother to murder her second husband, and she paid me kill her adopted son who was also the nephew of her second husband and her second husband’s brother. One hell of a woman.

Wikipedia

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Varangian_Guard

The Varangian Guard (GreekΤάγμα τῶν ΒαράγγωνTágma tōn Varángōn) was an elite unit of the Byzantine Army from the tenth to the fourteenth century. The members served as personal bodyguards to the Byzantine emperors. The Varangian Guard was known for being primarily composed of recruits from northern Europe, including mainly Norsemen from Scandinavia but also Anglo-Saxons from England.

The Norse Varangian guardsmen were recognized by long hair, a red ruby set in the left ear and ornamented dragons sewn on their chainmail shirts

The Varangians relied on the broad-bladed Dane axe as their main weapon, although they were often also skilled swordsmen or archers. The guard was stationed primarily around Constantinople, and may have been barracked in the Bucoleon palace complex.

Alexiad

The Varangians, too, who carried their axes on their shoulders, regarded their loyalty to the Emperors and their protection of the imperial persons as a pledge and ancestral tradition, handed down from father to son, which they keep inviolate and will certainly not listen to even the slightest word about treachery.

John Julius Norwich

The loyalty of the Varangians became a trope of Byzantine writers. Writing about her father Alexius's seizing of the Imperial throne in 1081, Anna Komnene notes that he was advised not to attack the Varangians who still guarded the Emperor Nikephoros for the Varangians “regard loyalty to the emperors and the protection of their persons as a family tradition, a kind of sacred trust”. This allegiance, she noted, “they preserve inviolate, and will never brook the slighted hint of betrayal”. Unlike the native Byzantine guards so mistrusted by Basil II, the Varangian guards' loyalties lay with the position of Emperor, not the man who sat on the throne. This was made clear in 969 when the guards failed to avenge the death by assassination of Emperor Nikephoros II. A servant had managed to call for the guards while the Emperor was being attacked, but when they arrived he was dead. They immediately knelt before John Tzimiskes, Nikephoros' murderer and hailed him as Emperor. “Alive they would have defended him to the last breath: dead there was no point in avenging him. They had a new master now.”

Heimskringla

Harald had been three times in the poluta-svarf while he was in Constantinople. It is the custom, namely, there, that every time one of the Greek emperors dies, the Varings are allowed poluta-svarf; that is, they may go through all the emperor's palaces where his treasures are and each may take and keep what he can lay hold of while he is going through them.

Harald

Michael the Paphlagonian, the Emperor’s personal servant, came out of the bath, soaking wet:

“The Emperor is dead.”

“Long live the emperor.”

“For your loyalty, take whatever you like from the dead Emperor’s chambers.”

Chronographia

The date was 12 April 1034 (Good Friday). The emperor was over sixty years of age. 

The funeral ceremony for the defunct Romanus, who had been laid out on a magnificent bier, was already prepared, and the whole assembly went out to pay their respects to their dead emperor in the usual fashion. One of those who preceded this bier was John the Eunuch, whom I will discuss at the appropriate point in my history. I saw this funeral procession myself. I had not yet grown a beard and only recently had I applied myself to the study of the poets. Examining the dead man, I did not really recognize him, either from his colour or outward appearance. It was only because of the insignia that I guessed the dead man had once been emperor. His face was completely altered, not wasted away, but swollen, and its colour was altogether changed.

Harald

I fought in Sicily. Everyone hated George Manaikes. We landed in Syracuse – beautiful harbor. The east part of the island was Greek; the Arabs held the south part and some Normans had landed on the west part. We allied with the Normans and defeated the Arabs, but then Manaikes pissed off the Normans so much they deserted and decided to take the island over for themselves, and the Varangian Guard decided it was time to sail back to Byzantium.

Chronographia

I have seen this man myself, and I wondered at him, for nature had bestowed on him all the attributes of a man destined to command. He stood ten feet high and men who saw him had to look up as if at a hill or the summit of a mountain. There was nothing soft or agreeable abort the appearance of Maniaces. As a matter of fact, he was more like a fiery whirlwind, with a voice of thunder and hands strong enough to make walls totter and shake gates of brass. He had the quick movement of a lion and the scowl on his face was terrible to behold. Everything else about the man was in harmony with these traits and just what you would expect. Rumour exaggerated his appearance and the barbarians, to a man, lived in dread of him.

John Julius Norwich

In Sicily, Messina was the only city now in Byzantine hands. George Manaikes, assisted by a regiment of Varangian and the legendary Scandinavian warrior king Harald Hardrada, smashed his way from one insurgent town to the next in a fury of destruction, leaving a church trail of smoking ruins and mutilated corpses in his wake. Men and women, monks and nuns, the aged and the children - none was spared: some were hanged, some beheaded, many (particularly the children) were burned alive.

Heimskringla

Now when Harald came to Sicily he harried there and with his army laid siege to a great and populous fortified city. He surrounded the place, because it had strong walls, so that it seemed unlikely that he could break them down. The townspeople had sufficient victuals and other things required to resist a siege. Then Harald hit upon this stratagem: he let his fowlers catch little birds which had their nests in the city and tie plane shavings of resinous pine soaked with molten wax and sulphur on their backs, to which he set fire. When liberated, all the birds at once flew into the city to seek their young and the nests they had under the thatches of reed or straw. And then the fire spread from the birds to the house-thatches; and though each single one carried but little fire, it soon grew to a conflagration, since many birds carried it all about the thatches of the city; and soon one house after the other began to burn till the whole city was aflame.

Harald

There’s a conniving eunuch, because, of course there is. He preferred John the Orphanotrophos (Guardian of the Orphans) because, really, isn’t it all about the children? In his monks attire he would have been the perfect civil servant, except for his extreme personal greed.

Chronographia

It is my desire in this history to give a somewhat fuller description of John, without recourse to empty or lying statements. You see, when I was starting to grow a beard, I saw the man himself, and I heard him speak and witnessed his actions. I marked his disposition closely, and I am aware that although some of his deeds are praiseworthy, there are other things in his life which cannot meet with general approval. At that time there were many sides to his character. He had a ready wit, and if ever a man was shrewd, he was; the piercing glance of his eyes betrayed those qualities. He paid meticulous care to his duties; in fact, he went to extremes of industry in their performance. His experience in all branches of government was great, but it was in the administration of public finance that his wisdom and shrewdness were especially evident. 

A desire on his part to achieve greater magnificence, and to manage the affairs of state in a manner more befitting an emperor, was thwarted by his own natural habits, for, to tell the truth, he never succeeded in ridding himself of his inveterate greed.

The demands of flattery having been satisfied, John without more ado took the first step in his master plan.

Harald 

He was greedy for many things: wine, debauchery, money, information, secrets, knowledge, but above all power; access to power, influencing power, wielding power, holding power.

Chronographia

It has often been a cause of surprise to me, when I have sat with him at banquets, to observe how a man, a slave to drink and given to ribaldry, as he was, could bear the burden of Empire. In his cups he would carefully watch how each of his fellows behaved. Afterwards, as if he had caught them red-handed, he would submit them to questioning and examine what they had said and done in their drunken moments. They came to fear him more, therefore, when he was tipsy than when he was sober. Indeed, the fellow was an extraordinary mixture. For a long time he had garbed himself in a monkish monkish habit, but not even in his dreams did he care one jot for the decent behaviour that befits such a dress. Yet he acted the part, if long-established custom demanded a certain ritual. As for those libertines who indulged unrestrainedly in sensual pleasures, John had nothing but scorn for them. On the other hand, if a man chose to live in a decent way, or pass his time in the free exercise of virtue, or profit his mind with scientific studies, he would find in John an implacable foe. The eunuch would wilfully misrepresent the other’s worthy ambitions in some way or other. This paradoxical conduct in his dealings with other men was not repeated when he had to do with the emperor, his brother, for with Michael he preserved one and the same attitude, never varying, never changing. In his presence there was no dissimulation at any time.

The emperor agreed that the plan was a good one, and when they informed Zoe of the scheme, they found it a very simple matter to convince her. So at once they proceeded to put it into practice. An announcement was made about the public ceremony, and all the dignitaries were gathered together in the church at Blachernae.

Accordingly John set sail. The emperor, meanwhile, watched the sea from a high vantage-point in the palace, and when the ship carrying his uncle was about to anchor in the Great Harbour, he gave a signal from above to the sailors, as they were putting in, to turn about. Actually, this signal had been arranged beforehand. A second trireme, ready to put to sea and in the wake of the first, then hailed John’s ship, took him on board, and carried him off to a distant place of exile.

Harald

That was my ship. In the end I blinded him and imprisoned him in the Monobatae monastery.


 

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